Internships, internet stalkers, and abusive biting

Day two of my internship at Stuff.

I’m sitting in the newsroom. It is gigantic. Well, it looks gigantic to me at least. There are big bowls of fruit all around the place that we can just help ourselves to. I saw a woman carrying round a bowl of lollies before. I like this place. I mentioned to my Dad yesterday about the fruit bowls, and he made some joke about how they might be bits of fake fruit to look pretty.

“Well, I ate one of the bananas so I certainly hope they weren’t fake,” I replied.

Kevin Norquay, (I’ve recently learned it’s pronounced ‘Norky’), pointed out all the newsroom cliques. You have the digital staff, the Dominion donut, and us, the national news people. He told me the digital staff are like the naughty teenagers and the Dominion Post reporters are the disapproving adults.

I’ve been punishing myself a little bit by looking at comments where people have shared my gamer piece online. I think the thing that gets me the most is that people assume I’m drawing from horrible stereotypes, even though it’s all drawn from personal experience. If I was trying to stereotype I probably would have gone on about glasses-wearing, acne-covered hermits that haven’t been outside for several months and burst into flames when they step into the sunlight.  Somebody’s been stalking my blog and posting pictures of me somewhere and “negging” them, but the pictures and comments were deleted from the thread by the time I read it. My curiosity remains unsatisfied.

For some reason my thumb is sore today, so typing is quite painful. This may be the end for me.

I have a more serious, actual news story going through today focussing on domestic abuse against men, an issue that I’m quite close to, having a family member who had just that happen to them.

I don’t know how we change people’s attitudes. We’re living in a world where it’s acceptable for a woman to hit a man and she’s just “expressing her anger”. If a man “expressed his anger” there would be Hell to pay. I’m tired of it.

I said to my boyfriend the other day, “Sam, do you ever feel like I physically abuse you?”

“No,” he replied, “except maybe when you bite me.”

I have this bad habit of getting annoyed with Sam and biting his shoulder or arm in frustration. Not hard, just enough so he knows I’m annoyed with him. Guess I oughtta stop that. Frustrated tickle attacks it is.

My inner male

I got called ‘sir’ yesterday.

I was getting out of my car at the petrol station, and the guy that pumps the petrol started saying something along the lines of  “What would you like today, sir?” He broke off halfway through the word when I turned around.

Awkwardness ensued.

He was very sorry, he said that he’d just had the word ‘sir’ on his mind and it was a reflex to say it. He offered to wash my windows to make up for it.

It must have been the manly sweatshirt I was wearing….

When I returned to my car, I waved at him and said “Thankyou, miss.”

Ha.

The female version of construction workers

When I was in high school we had this substitute teacher who everybody was in love with. In love with to a stalkerish degree.

Here’s the thing, we were an all girl’s school, so when a young, relatively attractive male stepped foot on school grounds . . . well, they got a little harassed.

So this student teacher must have been in his early twenties. He wasn’t bad looking, in my opinion. Nothing amazing. But to the majority of girls in our testosterone-deprived school, he was sex on a stick. One girl even described him to me as “a god”.

This poor guy had to endure wolf whistles and cat calls when he walked through the school. Girls would take photos of him as he went past; some would even video him on their phones. If that’s not creepy as Hell, I don’t know what is.

Eventually he asked for a transfer to a different school because of the varying levels of molestation that he suffered while he was with us.

Funny huh? Turns out girls can be just as gross as guys.

Breasts, chivalry, sexism, and everything inbetween

I’ve just been reading an article discussing a study on how sexist a man is, and how this relates to his breast size preferences on women.

Interesting.

The study found that most men liked women with medium breasts, with the next largest groups liking big breasts, and a smaller group liking very large breasts. That all seems to be in order. They also found that younger men prefer bigger breasts. Sounds about right.

The men participating in the study were asked questions based on four things: ” hostility towards women, attitude towards male and female relationships, objectification of women” are three of them.

But the part that caught my attention revolved a concept called ‘benevolent sexism’. This is used to describe the belief that women are generally the fairer sex, and, of course, weaker. This was the final concept that questions were based around. And here’s the funny part: men who exhibited signs of benevolent sexism as opposed to outright hostility etc. were found to be the ones who preferred larger-breasted women.

Now, we can look at this from every which way we desire, and probably all come to different conclusions based on our understanding of psychology and personal beliefs on the workings of the male mind. What the researchers from the University of Westminster believe is that men who see women as fairer and weaker also see women as the submissive gender and – here’s a bit of a leap for you – big breasts mean a more submissive woman.

I’m not sure to what I extent I believe this, but the bit in the article that got me was this: “Ironically, this means it’s the ‘nice guys’ who pride themselves in holding open car doors, offer to pay for dinners and believe ladies are to be ‘admired’ and ‘put on a pedestal’ who are most likely to buy into traditional beauty ideals – like having a ‘feminine figure’ in this case.”

Maybe I’m nitpicking, but the first half of that sentence doesn’t sit right with me.

Is it fair to say that mean who hold doors open for us and pay for our dinners are sexist, if benevolently so? Here’s an idea – maybe they’ve just been raised that way. Maybe they’ve had it drummed into them that they, as the male, are required to do these things to be seen as gallant and sweet.

And you know what? I like that men do that. Some men, at least. I like the idea that chivalry is not dead. It’s not that I’m not independent, nor is it that I’m weak and can’t fend for myself, and I don’t believe for a second that every man who wanders along and helps me out is going to think any of those things. I think it’s a nicety that’s traveled down through the ages. And that’s okay.

I’d even go so far as to say it’s okay for them to believe that we are a little fairer and we are a little weaker. Let’s be honest, it’s a teeny bit true. As long as they don’t see it as something that makes us inferior and them superior, then I don’t see the problem.

Of course, the second half of that sentence that talks about putting women onto a pedestal does stray into sexist territory. Better if we just all stay equal.